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When Broken Meets Beauty

on December 24, 2015

This has always been one of my favorite times of year. It’s as though a special magic fills the air. Christmas carols seem to come from every direction. People connect with family they may not see often. Joy is all around. Well, it used to be. 

This year is different for me. I now notice a population of people hurting similarly to myself. Mothers with no child. Tears sting the corners of their eyes while they push carts through stores visualizing the gifts they wanted to purchase but no longer have a recipient for the gift. There is an empty seat around the Christmas tree this year. 

That is the reality so many face. And then others, like me must trudge on purchasing gifts for the ones who remain while tears flow freely as they walk passed the little reminders of the one who is gone. Moments of true joy may come while others are forced to exude a false joy so as not to be pulled under.

This is where I am this year. My sweet daughter, my only little girl passed from this earth in February of 2015. This week marks the one year anniversary of our final good week with our baby girl. It is tearing me to shreds. Our Christmas tree went up late this year, a little slower than normal and in stages. I didn’t really want to put it up. My mother didn’t want to put hers up either. But we did. We pushed on for the children that remain, for Audrey’s siblings and cousins. 

A genuine smile and moment of joy crossed my face while I watched my two sons dancing to Christmas carols as they placed ornaments on the tree. And then the sting of tears came with a vision of my baby girl the prior year pulling her hands back from the prickly branches. 

This is where broken and beauty meet. These moments are often uncomfortable for those who have yet to experience them. It is a place of joy and sorrow that comes when the past creeps into the present. Many would say to push the past away, but I cannot. You see, that is the only place I can see my sweet girl now, in my memories. Though these memories bring a sorrow connected to my longing for her they also bring a great joy that she was here. She was mine. She existed.

Christmas in itself is like one of these moments. The brokenness of this world collides with the beauty of a promise brought to us by the birth of a child and the sacrifice that would come. And wether you believe in the truth of Jesus Christ or not, this Christmas story is what tells me I will see my sweet baby girl again, not just in pictures or dreams but face to face. This is the gift I will treasure and cling to as I sit in my pajamas drinking hot cocoa, watching Audrey’s brothers open the presents under the tree.  This is the beauty I would hold onto as the tears come from my broken heart when I see her stocking still hanging untouched. It is in this place of broken beauty that I know I will make it through. I will be okay. I suppose it is a reminder of my little Cricket. The world may have looked at her like she was broken, but I was lucky enough to see her true beauty.



7 responses to “When Broken Meets Beauty

  1. Marie AhKao says:

    Beautiful!! She was a blessed little girl! I used to watch you, when we rounded around you, and was amazed at your strength and perseverance fighting for your little girl. please know, in my mind, that room is always “Audry’s” room. Merry Christmas Wiggin’s family.

  2. Cindy Lalman says:

    I am making a conscious effort to “follow” you and pray you through this Chistmas season. I love that you are not afraid to share your heart dear friend. You…and Audrey…have made a lasting difference in this world! All my live, prayers, and hugs!

  3. paul & Karen Petzold says:

    What a Beautiful story..as we all have shared a part of Audrey’s past..and as you and your family move on with the future..more things will follow..and I would love to repost this to my page so my friends that have followed the life of Audrey and her family..will also love to read this..Merry Christmas to all of you and to all a Good Night……love Uncle Paul & Aunt Karen

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