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Waiting

on August 17, 2013

We’re just waiting. Yeah, “just” waiting. It’s been a crazy few days as we have acclimated to the situation and somewhere in my mind I thought things would slow down once we got to this “waiting” phase…um, yeah…not so much.

Waiting means vigilance.

Waiting means listening for the slightest gurgle in Audrey’s voice. With her little unconnected esophagus, there’s just a dead end up top. A nice little pouch that ends somewhere around the base of her neck. That means as she tries to swallow, there’s nowhere for it to go. We have a low pressure suction tube that we constantly monitor and augment with manual suction when needed to keep any of that “stuff” from trickling into her lungs.

Waiting means that we protect her little gastrostomy tube with our lives. Maybe the hardest thing I’ve done down here was pray over her and kiss her little forehead to send her off to surgery when they put that thing in her stomach. No way does this Dad want to do that again because we bumped it out of place. It started leaking a little today, which has been scary for us both, but they assure us it’s under control.

Waiting means we watch Audrey’s little breaths very closely. We talk to the Cardiologists every day. She has a hole in her heart and a valve that’s not quite right. Eventually this will cause her little lungs to get over saturated with blood, which will cause her to breathe faster and faster. We watch her chest moving up and down knowing that will soon require some meds and eventually surgery, but just not yet.

Waiting means a pile of books about Downs Syndrome are waiting to be read. It means a few more conversations with the Geneticist and the Social Worker. It means visits from physical and occupational therapy to help give our little angel the best shot we can at not falling behind.

Waiting means we sit in a room with 6 surgeons and talk about the plan. It means that we understand what they know and they know what we want. It means that surgeons having seen thousands of cases like ours are brought to tears when Mom speaks from her heart. It means being sure we are in the right place.

Waiting means family and friends are more important than ever. It means Papa mows the lawn back home and Grammy makes daily trips to gather the mail and whatever else we might think of to turn our room into a home. It means lots of phone calls, texts, prayers and well wishes. It means Bailey doing many “sleepovers” to keep from going stir crazy in a hospital. It means short visits that are treasured and mindless banter as a retreat to normalcy.

Waiting means we are making friends. We have met some of the nicest doctors and nurses, who have adopted us as their own. The nurses stop into to see her even when she is not their patient. We hear “I’m so excited to have Audrey again tonight!” It means we aren’t leaving her to strangers for the night, but to her surrogate Moms, that will do anything for her.

Waiting is busy. Waiting is tough. Pray for peace, strength, patience and wisdom. Pray for our family and our marriage. We have 3 more weeks of this before they take another peek at her little gap. It won’t be all roses, but as my wonderful wife told you last, we are in it for the long haul.

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3 responses to “Waiting

  1. Tisha Thomas (Wiggins) says:

    Josh and Christina,
    Your strength, courage and faith are such an inspiration. I pray for you daily. God Bless!

  2. Marlene Smalley says:

    So touched by reading all your thoughts through this experience. Praying that God continues blessing all of you, and also very inspired by your strength and courage. I’m also reminded of the quote: “Patience is the rawest form of courage.” You are all amazing!

  3. Carla Jones says:

    Josh and Christina Thank you so much for sending the beautiful pictures of Audrey and Asher they are just precious. It is so nice to be able to see them and put faces with my prayers. Seeing them brought tears to my eyes and my heart jumped with joy as you have now been triple blessed with your 3 little gifts from God. Please know that our Lord is faithful in all ways as I am sure you are well aware of’. He reminds me several times a day to pray for you all sometimes even in the night. Lots of times I don’t even know the specific thing I am to be praying for but He is asking that you be lifted up to Him and that I can do. I am looking forward with you to the Great and Mighty things He has already started and will continue to do. My Prayers and Love Carla

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